Home Alone
Will's mum goes away for the weekend with an old college friend she recently caught up with on Facebook. While Jay, Neil and Simon are walking down the street they spot a flower display reading "WELCOME TO OUR VILLAGE", Neil and Jay then alter it to say "WE CUM TIT VILLAGE". Mr.Gilbert then assigns Will to find the culprits by threatening to ruin his UCAS application, so the only university that will accept him is the University of Lincoln. It doesn't take Will long to find out who had done it but decides not to grass them up. Will asks Simon if he would like to stay round his house due to "security reasons", Simon declines as he doesn't want to risk missing a father and son golf tournament. Will then asks Neil, which angers Jay as he wants some privacy from his dog so he can masturbate alone. However Jay eventually makes his way into Will's house, but then Will forces them to go out as they mess up his kitchen. Jay and Neil decide to take Will on a "pussy patrol" which is to drive Jay's mum's car around the estate really slowly. Jay runs over a squirrel because he lost to it in a game of chicken. When the group arrive back at Will's house they find that Simon is inside waiting for them. When asked how he came in, he replies saying the back door was open. Jay uses Will's mum's credit card to order two boxes of beer which angers Will as it was for "emergencies only". Will decides to return them but Jay opens a pack of Foster's, preventing him from doing so. Upon opening up his laptop he finds that Jay and Simon have changed his Facebook profile picture to a fat naked man and his status to "Will is fingering his cat", they also changed his password. Will finds out the password but has to agree to let Jay stay over. Neil returns to the kitchen and says that he has blocked the toilet. Jay gets an idea that he'll just tell his parents that his dog has done a poo in the house so then his dog will have to stay outside, thus, will allow him to masturbate in peace. After Will unblocks the toilet, he returns to find Jay, Neil and Simon all drunk and whacking his daffodils with Simon's golf clubs which he is bringing to the golf tournament tomorrow. Will then tells the boys that they are going out, so they won't destroy his house. While they are out, the boys start vandalising other people's gardens, they are then caught by a man and run away laughing, Back at Will's house Jay and Neil go upstairs to masturbate over pairs of Will's mum's knickers while Simon and Will play a game of Pro Evolution Soccer. The next day, Will and Simon are woken up by a loud banging noise. They find out that it was the same angry man who caught them vandalising flowers earlier. The man finds them because he saw Neil through the kitchen window. Will's mum's friend opens the door (she was told to check up on Will earlier), Will kicks the door shut and breaks her nose in the process. Will tries to reason with the man but ends up closing the curtains on him which angers him even more. Will finds out that his mum has returned and now knows that he is going to be in deep deep trouble. In the end, Simon misses his golf tournament, Jay finds out that his dog has been put down because once a dog starts defecating in the house it's already close to the end of its life, and Will's mum gets dumped by her new boyfriend because he doesn't want to deal with a "problem child".
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